17 Signs It’s Time To Stop Pursuing The Girl You Like And Back Off

July 10, 2023 |
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So, there’s a girl that you have fallen head over heels for. All the warm, fuzzy feelings from spending time with her have added a spring to your step. Just the thought of her makes your heart skip a beat. You have tried your best to win her affection … but it has all been in vain. Feeling dejected, you’ve landed here today wondering when to stop pursuing a girl.

The rational side of you may be telling you to pull the plug and make peace with your unrequited love. But a voice in your head keeps telling you that you could win her over if you tried just a little harder. Which of these two voices do you listen to? The hopelessly romantic one or the one which forces you to be realistic? To ensure that you’re not crossing any lines in the name of love and choose the right voice in your head, let’s help you understand when to take a step back from this attraction and move on.

The Mindset Behind Chasing After A Girl

“Often, girls hide their true feelings. So I cannot help but wonder what if she wanted me to be more of a sincere man in pursuing her and I had rashly given up, thinking she is not interested in me?” A reader wrote to us which is what got us thinking about the very concept of when to stop pursuing a girl.

Yes, there are many times when girls are not as straightforward as the menfolk, and at times, women can send out mixed signals about whether or not they want to take things to the next level. So, then, how do you decide when to stop pursuing a girl and when to keep trying?

Understanding women, even someone you have been with for years (your sister or female friends) is tough and here you have to figure out whether the girl you like reciprocates your feelings or will like you in the future or not, that’s a toughie! Women can play hard to get and decoding that is not always easy.

What if she likes you and you do not pursue her enough? Another guy wrote to us, saying, “I stopped chasing her but now she wants me. Is my reading of her wrong or is she just playing around with my feelings? I am utterly confused.” Men most often don’t understand when to back off from a girl, what is the right time to stop trying with a girl, or how to tell if she wants you to chase her.

How does one know when to stop pursuing a girl?

What if the girl who isn’t interested in you has led you to become emotionally attached to her due to which you have lost much of your precious time? What if there is no ‘happily ever after’ in your dynamic with this girl and all your dreams are to shatter? Would you not like to know that sooner than later? For you, she might be ‘the one’, but for her, you might never be anything more than a friend. You may choose to remain in denial but do you want to spend months, or even years, going after someone who will never reciprocate your feelings? It will remain one-sided love. You should know when to stop pursuing a girl.

You might keep trying to get her thinking that she will see your sincerity and fall for you but she might be giving out signs she wants you to leave her completely alone. Signs you may actually be turning a blind eye to. When you keep chasing a girl who is not interested, to her, you may even come across as a stalker she’d want to get rid of.

So, first and foremost, you need to shake off the mindset that if you keep running after that woman you like, she will see how much you love her and reciprocate your affections. A girl who isn’t interested in you will run away even further, no matter what you try. The idea that her ‘no’ means ‘yes’ has been glorified in far too many romantic movies, making a lot of people internalize the notion that it is okay to violate her boundaries and disregard her agency in making a choice for herself, all in the name of love. But the world is a very different place now.

No matter how sincere your intentions and genuine your feelings are, you need to know when to stop trying to get her so that you don’t become a living nightmare for the very person you’re so deeply in love with. And in turn, you also do not make your self-respect plummet.

Related Reading: 10 Reasons He Suddenly Stopped Chasing You – Even When You Wanted Him To

17 Signs You Should Stop Pursuing The Girl You Like

Is it worth chasing a girl at the peril of your own self-worth and mental well-being? Do you uselessly want to chase a girl and turn into that person riddled with unrelenting pain? While pursuing a girl, you look at things from your perspective and cling on to the hope that someday she will feel the same, but have you tried to see the situation from her point of view?

Have you read the obvious signs that she is putting out there which are conveying a very strong refusal of your advances with no chances of backing down? What if you read them but you are in denial of what she wants? In your head, you might think that she likes you and is merely playing hard to get to get your attention. But it is worth considering that she might just not be interested, plain and simple. So when should you stop pursuing a girl or stop talking to her entirely? We bring you 17 signs to make it clear as day for you.

1. You’re not her type

You are Mr. Handsome, Mr. Rich, and Mr. Perfect, a perfect package! Every girl crushes over you, except your own dream girl. Yes, it’s tough to accept but its simple. You’re just not her type. Maybe she likes the bad boy types and you are a soft and sincere man. Maybe she likes her men less macho, and you are the other kind. Maybe she likes her men serious and you like to make the mood light-hearted.

In short, you may not be the type of boyfriend she is looking for. No matter how perfect you might be, she will not show any interest in you, because you don’t fit into her idea of a perfect man. In such cases, whether you are crazy about her or not doesn’t matter, because she knows beforehand that it’s not going to work. So stop chasing her and move on.

2. A girl who isn’t interested will text you formally

Whenever you text her, her answers will always be to the point. You won’t get a warm and friendly feeling from her messages and at times, she may not even reply to you. It might be because she feels nothing and doesn’t want to lead you on. Remember most women are coded to give a soft “no” for either safety reasons or out of respect, because they expect you to be smart enough to connect the dots. So do exactly that, connect those dots and stop talking to her.

It is her way of saying that she isn’t interested in you. You might keep pursuing her thinking that by doing so, she will acknowledge your gestures and fall for you. Sorry to break your dream, but such gestures will only convince here you’re being somewhat of a creep. These are signs she wants you to back off. So, read the obvious signs and walk away from her.

3. She is always busy

How many times has she told you that she is busy when you tried to ask her out? You try to make plans to meet up or hang out but she always has an excuse. Even if you try to make plans according to her schedule, something comes up at the last moment. It may even make you question, “Is it worth chasing a girl when she never reciprocates to my advances?”

Her explanation may seem genuine but you will get the feeling that you are just not important enough to her. You check her social media profiles only to see how much fun she has had at a friend’s party. She may have forgotten to mention that she was busy only for you. The next time she cancels on you, just wait for her to message or call or even send a Whatsapp forward, wait for some initiative from her and respond to that.

Check if that message gets an immediate reply? If not, she is just too polite to say no to you upfront. Move on! You can read these signs to know if she is into you. Remember if she cancels a meeting/date and doesn’t offer to re-schedule or offer excuses without follow-ups, it is time to stop trying with her.

4. She wants an emotional relationship with you

An emotional relationship is a relationship between two people that only involves sharing emotional baggage with one another. She ignores the fact that you like her and calls you only when she needs you. Perhaps some friend in your group has been rude to her and she wants you to be on her side. Or maybe she just wants your help with a project.

She becomes needy and clingy when her life is a mess and, of course, since you are so smitten by her, you give her the attention and pampering she needs at that point to feel good about herself. But as soon as her crisis is over, you return to the backburner. She is using you as her crutch to get over her bad phases. To understand when to stop letting your life revolve around this girl, look at whether your emotional needs are even being acknowledged, let alone met, in this equation.

Related Reading: 8 Signs You Are In A Rebound Relationship

5. Her phone is more important to her than you are

It’s time to pay attention to where you rank on this girl’s priority list. She says you are her friend but when she goes out with you, she doesn’t leave her phone at all. She answers all the calls, checks every forwarded message, maybe even casually watches a few reels on her phone as if you aren’t sitting in front of her at all.

She doesn’t give you the basic attention that even a friend deserves. If you try calling her in the evenings or after work hours, her phone would always be busy. It could be because she’s giving her time to someone else who ranks much higher on her priority list.

6. She is still getting over a rough breakup

she is not worth it
She is getting over a breakup

You have to give up on a girl if you are convinced that she is still recovering from a heartbreak. That situation usually turns very messy and will leave you in a lot of pain. If she is not yet ready for a romantic relationship and you keep sending her signals that you love her, she may find you insensitive, even if she enjoys the attention in that moment. But know that she will definitely not think of you in any romantic way if she is not over her past partner.

It takes longer for some people to get over a breakup, even if the past relationship was a short one. Such people are still battling their emotions and are not ready to get into another relationship. They also carry baggage which perhaps needs processing and they are hence lying low.

7. She is too nice to say no to you

Most people just don’t know how to handle a situation when a guy confesses his liking or love for them. She might initially seem interested and even flirt with you a little, but in your heart, you will know if she is not into you. She will not be present in the relationship like you are, not whole-heartedly for sure.

You will be able to sense that she is distant even if her words say otherwise. She might be too nice to say no (or maybe a little confused about whether you’d be good for her) but you should be smart enough to understand it. Will you want someone half-hearted if you feel so intensely? No, right? That right there is your answer to when should a sincere man stop pursuing a girl.

8. It’s clearly not going anywhere

You have confessed your feelings to her, but she’s giving you no reassurance, feedback, or indication that she feels a similar way. You ask her about it but she finds a way to neither say yes nor no. Your friendship is at a standstill and you are unclear whether your relationship with her is moving forward or backward.

The only constant in this equation is a sense of confusion. Ask yourself, “Is it worth chasing a girl when you don’t even know where you stand with her?” And this not knowing can kill you from inside. But if you feel that the relationship is not going anywhere and it has been a while, you should stop thinking about her.

Related Reading: 9 Ways To Cope With Unrequited Love And Move On

9. She has an emotional barrier

She avoids any conversation where there is a chance of the two of you talking about a deep relationship with one another. What are her fears? What does she want from life? What are her expectations and her biggest weaknesses? What are yours? Topics that involve her personal life or conflicts will be off-limits. Nor will she ask you questions to know you intimately.

Take it as a sign that she wants to keep you away from her personal space and life because she doesn’t want you to be a part of it. This is one of the most obvious signs that she wants you to leave her alone. Take the cue and walk away from it.

Unrequited love and more

10. You are always introduced as just a ‘friend’

Whenever the two of you go out and meet people, you are introduced as just a friend. You two may have gone on many dates, kissed, she basically sleeps over at your house every other night but despite all that, her close friends have still not even heard about you. Despite all the happy and romantic times you two have spent together, she considers you as a friend and may never become anything more than that.

In that case, be prepared to be friend-zoned for life. Initially, you might think it to be okay, but eventually, you will blame her for wasting your time. When you stop talking to her, you will notice how she does not even reach out to you to make conversation or make plans. Trust us when we tell you that this is a bad sign, and a good reason for you to give up on a girl.

11. You are picking up the wrong signals

You are so lost in your fantasy with this dream girl that everything she does seems like a green signal to you. Even an accidental brushing of hands will make you think that she is doing it on purpose and that she is falling so hard for you. You think that every action of hers is a reaction to your feelings, but it is just you who is hyping everything up. In such cases, it is better to confront her and ask her bluntly.

It is better to rip the band-aid off before things get too serious and you realize that you were wrong from the start. If she wants to be your girlfriend, there will be clear signs of her interest in you, no matter how subtle. In case you haven’t been getting any such signals from the girl you’re interested in, the writing is on the wall: it’s time to stop engaging with her.

12. She says ‘no’

Your life is not a rom-com where a girl’s ‘no’ can be interpreted as a ‘yes’. When she says no, it doesn’t mean a yes or a maybe. It means no and you have to understand that. You know that you need to back off. If she has any feelings for you, she will tell you to stay, but if she doesn’t, it’s time for you to move on.

As harsh as it may feel to hear those words coming from her, you need to brush yourself off, get up, and walk away with your head held high.

13. You’ve caught her talking to other guys

You’re treating her to a brunch on her birthday, and this girl can’t stop staring at her phone and smiling. Someone else has all her attention, even though you took her out for a treat and got her flowers. She appreciates the effort you put in but is not as thrilled to be spending that time with you. From her demeanour, it is clear that she would rather be somewhere else with this other guy she is texting constantly.

At that point, you may feel like she is just toying with your heart but your love for her might keep you going. But it is time to put an end to all of that. Take her behaviour at face value. If she is clearly talking to other guys and far more interested in someone else, let her go.

14. She’s giving you the cold shoulder

And your smitten self might assume that is because she wants you to work harder to love her or make more of an effort for her, but that is just not the case. It’s been four days since she last replied to your text, even though she’s been online a lot. She is intentionally trying to make you see exactly what you don’t want to see — which is that you need to stop reaching out to her and trying to make things work.

You may be trying all kinds of ways to text her and keep her interested, but it is clearly not working out in your favor. Which is why, is time to bid adieu to this woman and move onto something else.

15. She prefers hanging out with you in groups

So you told her that you wanted to go see the new Marvel movie with her and her immediate reaction was, “Oh, my friend Stacey has been wanting to see it too, is it cool with you if I invite her?” Or, when you invite her over to your place to hang out, she almost always convinces you to come out with her and her friends instead.

It’s no mystery that this woman does not want the same things from you which you want from her. You want alone, private time with her to show her how much you love her, and she is willing to go to any lengths to avoid just that. Our advice to you is to stop convincing yourself that she likes you and is trying to hide it, and instead just accept things for what they are.

16. She takes your advice on other guys

If it is not crystal clear now that this woman does not want to be with you, we don’t know what is. You really don’t want to waste so much time and energy trying to get close with a girl who has another guy on her mind, do you? If she shows you a picture of some guy she is seeing through a dating app or wants to take your advice on Josh who you two partied with once, we’re sorry to tell you, but things are not looking good for you.

We know that it is hard to admit to yourself that a girl you really like isn’t into you. But sometimes you just have to suck it up and say, “To hell with her, I deserve someone who loves and appreciates me whole-heartedly.”

17. She acts like a commitment-phobe

Every time you talk about getting into a serious relationship with her, this woman keeps you on the hook and says “I like you, but I am just not looking for anything serious in my life right now” to get away with it. This makes you continue to believe that she loves you while you continue to wait and hope that one day, she will run right into your arms.

Well, that is not going to happen. She is too chicken to say no to you upfront and guises her lack of interest in you under commitment-phobia. It’s time for you to be smarter than that and call it what it is. She’s a nice girl trying to protect your feelings but while doing that, she is leading you on.

Key Pointers

  • A girl who is not interested in you will take far too long to respond to your messages and never initiate spending time with you 
  • She’s giving you signs that she is not interested in you when she introduces you as nothing but a friend to those who are close to her
  • When you tell her you love her, she tells you that she is not ready for a relationship at all 

It’s hard to give up on a girl you love, we know, but we hope that these 17 reasons can give you enough motivation to make the right choice. Stop fixating on her and know that you might be missing signals from someone who likes you for someone who doesn’t. She is not the one putting her life at a standstill for you; you are doing it. It’s time to stop that. Move on, live your life, and the right person will come your way when the time is right.

This article was updated in December 2022.


1. How do I know if I’m wasting my time chasing a girl?

Think of it this way. When a man suddenly stops chasing a girl and that girl does not even notice, it was indeed a waste because she was clearly never interested or noticed the man’s advances in the first place. You’re wasting your time chasing a girl if she is not reciprocating, or worse, barely even noting the effort you are putting in for her.

2. When should you give up chasing someone?

There are many instances to know when to stop pursuing a girl. If she is talking to other men, never initiates any conversations with you, avoids spending time with you alone, or is always making excuses when you ask to meet her, it is time to stop running after her.

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Readers Comments On “17 Signs It’s Time To Stop Pursuing The Girl You Like And Back Off”

  1. It’s crazy how men always have to pursue women that they’re not attracted to, because the women that we’re attracted to don’t like us, but women can get whoever they want without lifting a finger.

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